SALMONRAI By Casey Poma Ralph Blanchard A dumb idea that was originally called Samurice. 2016 Wangsong +=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=+ + This draft of the script has some passive aggressive notes left for + + Casey, from Ralph. For curious fans, these notes have been left in + + their entirety. + +=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=+ * * * * * * * * EXT. JAPANESE CLIFF NEAR WATER - DAY Establishing shots of the ocean and cliffs. Soon, we hear the sounds of sword clanging and gradually increasing in volume. Suddenly, two samurai swords clash together into frame. SENSEI Holmes (231 years old) a wise man, grimaces at the dark figure opposite him. Sanjuro-face also known as SAMURAI in threatening armor, hardens his brow and points his sword at the older man. SAMURAI Give me your rod! SENSEI HOLMES Never! The Samurai raises his sword and now with more force attacks the visibly tired Sensei, eventually striking him across the chest. Sensei Holmes drops his sword. SENSEI HOLMES Ahhhhh. SAMURAI Your rod. I won’t ask again. Put it in my hand! The Sensei reaches for the old fishing rod attached to his back. He musters his last breath and with a grunt heaves the rod off the cliff. SAMURAI NO!!!!!!! TITLE: SALMONRAI EXT. JAPANESE GARDEN/PARK POND (DEPENDING ON LOCATION) - DAY SARI (Mid 20s) walks up to the pond with an archaic fishing pole. She holds it up. SARI Let’s hope the pond is friendly to us today! She casts the line. After a brief moment something tugs on the other end of the line and she reels it in. An old boot. She grimaces. A long fade shows the passage of time. She wipes her brow. (CONTINUED) CONTINUED: 2. SARI Come on rod, don’t let me down again. She casts the rod one more time. Again, something tugs on the other end. She reels it in. It’s an old boot again. SARI Well, at least I now have the pair. She tosses the boot off to the side. It joins a pile of other random and silly rubble. SARI Boiled leather boots for the children of the village again (sigh). Something on the pond catches her attention. She spots an object floating towards her. SARI What the? A more modern fishing rod floats up to her. She reaches down and grabs it. EXT. SAMURAI’S LAIR - DAY Rain and lightning flashes. INT. SAMURAI’S LAIR - DAY The Samurai sits at his throne, with his palm to his forehead. A SERVANT stands before him. SAMURAI I thought I said to not return without the rod... SERVENT Sorry master, but we could not find the rod...and...it was approaching dinner time. I didn’t want you to be without your favorite meal, sole sashimi. SAMURAI IMBECILES! The servant kneels before the Samurai, humbled. There is brief silence. (CONTINUED) CONTINUED: 3. SAMURAI Fine, bring it to me. I love that stuff, I’m hooked (RALPH HATES THAT CASEY WANTS A HOOKED LINE WHERE HE WANTS IT AND ANYWHERE ELSE IS STUPID AND THE JOKE SUCKS). SERVANT Right away! The servant exits frame. Samurai lifts his fist. SAMURAI The rod will be mine...once again. EXT. SAMURAI’S LAIR - DAY SAMURAI Hey, hurry up with that sole! I don’t have all day. EXT. JAPANESE GARDEN/PARK POND (DEPENDING ON LOCATION) - DAY Sari examines the newly discovered rod. Suddenly, we hear a small splash. The head of a salmon, MASTER SALMON appears. MASTER SALMON Perhaps you will find that rod a lot more useful. SARI Who said that? Sari searches the waters for the source of the voice. MASTER SALMON It is I, Master Salmon, an ancient spirit sent to this world as protector of the rod. For milenia I have- SARI Wait, you can talk? MASTER SALMON Er, well yes, in any tongue spoken by mortals. The rod you have in your hands...is special. The salmon splashes water for no reason. (CONTINUED) CONTINUED: 4. SARI Special in what way? MASTER SALMON For centuries I have been the guardian of this rod. A rod capable of catching anything it’s owner desires. The prophecy tells of a young warrior, pure of heart, who will use the rod for the good of their village. The other part of the prophecy is- SARI How can I be the girl from the prophecy? All I catch is leathery footwear. MASTER SALMON The rod does not choose lightly.... SARI I see. I can use this to feed all the villagers. MASTER SALMON Of course, but be careful to not overuse it’s power as it saught by many and not all that are pure of heart. Suddenly the line on the rod begins to tug. Sari struggles to reel in the massive bulk at the other end of the line. It is a fish. Sari smiles and almost appears to begin to cry with joy. MASTER SALMON As I was saying, the second part of the prophecy- SARI Yay! Finally, the answer to my prayers. Food for everyone! EXT. SAMURAI’S LAIR - DAY Lighting and rain continues. SAMURAI Mmmm, this sole is so good. 5. INT. SAMURAI’S LAIR - DAY Samurai sits on the floor eating dinner again. The Servant enters and after a bow, sits. SAMURAI Must you disturb my favorite meal, sole? You are to only disturb me with good news or my favorite meal. I already have sole, so you better have good news! SERVANT Good news? The sole reason I came here. Samurai, puts a bite of sole in his mouth. SAMURAI Ok, let’s hear it. SERVANT Look at this news scroll. The Servant gives him a scroll. The headline reads: "GIRL FROM VILLAGE FEEDS ALL VILLAGERS WITH FISH." The Samurai’s eyes perk up. SAMURAI The rod! EXT. JAPANESE BEACH - DAY Sari casts her line into the ocean. The line tugs violently. SARI Woa, this might be the biggest fish ever! As she pulls on the line, we see the Samurai emmerge from the water holding the hook. He yanks it out of his chest. SAMURAI Give the rod back to me, NOW! (or really good line Ralph wanted that Casey rejected because a sole pun is way more worth it). Sari looks at the Samurai confused. (CONTINUED) CONTINUED: 6. SALMON MASTER The rest of the prophecy. I tried to tell it to you! SAMURAI Ah yes, the prophecy. How does it go? Something about a young warrior, pure of heart, who will use the rod for good and BLA BLA BLA. SALMON MASTER Sari, the second part of the prophecy...The rod will stay with the chosen one so long as it used for good. The rod must also be defended. Only then does it truly become yours. SAMURAI Ah, but prophecies are made to be broken. Silly stories, told by silly old spirits. SALMON MASTER The rod could have been yours Sanjuro-face, if you had used it for good and not for the pursuit of greed and evil deeds. Where did all the wealth get you? SAMURAI It got me a huge temple. Servents. Everything I ever wanted. SALMON MASTER ...but are you truly happy? SAMURAI I will be after I have that rod! GIVE IT TO ME! The Samurai strikes angrily at Sari. She holds the rod in front of her and it deflects the sword willfully. Surprised, the Samurai strikes again, but Sari stops his attack now with more confidence. She swipes the rod twice at the Samurai, knocking him to the ground. SARI Bettering the lives of others, will always better your own! (CONTINUED) CONTINUED: 7. She casts her rod. She yanks it back and on the end of it, is another boot. This time it smacks the samurai on his head. SALMON MASTER That’s the only sole he’ll be eating! SAMURAI Ahhhh! Sari follows with two more swipes to his face and then casts the line one more time. It hooks into the Samurai’s chest. The Samurai’s eyes widen. She yanks on the line pulling his heart out of his chest. Blood sprays everywhere. She reels the heart in close to her face SARI He may have had sole, but he never had heart. FADE TO BLACK FADE IN EXT. JAPANESE GARDEN/PARK POND (DEPENDING ON LOCATION) - SUNSET Sari looks at the sunset and smiles. She looks at her rod. SARI So rod, what should we catch today? Gold, jewels, riches beyond our wildest dreams? She cast the line into the pond. After a big tug, she slowly reels in the object. It is a fish. SARI No, a fish will do just fine. FADE TO BLACK END * * * * * * +=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=+ | This Cat cat Production e-text was entered by members of the | | Lil Kurosawa Fan Guys Table #69 (LKFGT69) on this online | | service. | | For further information concerning Cat Cat e-texts, please send | | email to: | | catcatprods@gmail.com | +=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=+ ============================================================================== Cat cat Productions SALMONRAI Ver 3.00 09/29/2016 ------------------------------------------------------------------------------ ==================================End of File=================================